Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
