His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
