I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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