This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
