hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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