Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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