Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
