so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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