i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
