So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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