I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
