Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
