so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
