Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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