I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
