last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
