Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
be right there i have to get my cape
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
