Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i love accidental penises.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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