Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
