we have officially lost it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
