Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
