So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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