I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
