Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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