Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
