you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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