Don't make out with my wife yet
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
