I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
