I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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