I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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