The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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