Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sext me about skeletons
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
