Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
