If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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