You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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