before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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