can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
