I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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