Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
