You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
