I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Let's paint friendship bongs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
