i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
