My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
