that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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