I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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