Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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