'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
