She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am naked and annoyed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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