I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
