Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
