Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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