She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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