she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
